I'm feeling in one of those moods where you just want to curl up in one corner of the couch with a huge cup of coffee and a good friend in the other corner of said couch and talk for endless hours about absolutely nothing. It could be the rainy day or possibly it was the text that I received last night from one of my favorite people....It wasn't anything sappy or fluffy it was merely a quick note to let me know that I was considered a good friend and thank you for being there.
It made me think about all of the things, good and bad, that have created the vast amount of memories that make up our relationship. We all have friends, but there are some who mean more than others. You know, the ones who make those lasting imprints in our lives. The friends who can tell from your Face Book status that they need to give you a call, or the ones who send you flowers for no reason other than the fact that they thought of you on a sunny day. Friends who know you, the real you. I am lucky enough to say that I have a few friends like these.
As I sit here being all nostalgic and reminiscent I can't help but think about whether or not I'm truly being all that I can be.....No, not in the army sense but the friend sense. In between late night sleep interruptions, care of my sweet sweet baby boy, the everyday adventures of my new babyfied life and of course trying to be the caring and supportive wife that I am (lol), do I really have that much left of myself to give to yet another person....I must being doing something right, after all I received a text confirmation from a real person, and I didn't even have to pay them! But is it enough, could I be doing more, should I be doing more.............
I think, in a round about way, this is mother guilt. Because I am now a mother, and have, as mentioned, a babyfied life, the time that used to be spent on creating and maintaining friendships, now is mostly spent on mothering. So, for a change, I am not feeling guilty about not mothering enough but instead am feeling guilty for not friending enough! (Wow, how do you like my creative vocabulary.) Where does the guilt end? And when did I become so emotional that I can turn a perfectly wonderful sentiment, such as a text, into a huge guilt ridden rant......Oh right, since creating life and taking a trip down the hormonal road called motherhood!
There is a saying, "It takes years to grow and old friend." And it was years ago, before my babyfied life, and even my married life in many cases, that many of my most dear friendships were created. And it is these "old friends" who I, and I'm sure you, my faithful reader(s?),have come to rely on. The ones who accept the changes in our friendships, who understand the reasons for such things as a missed coffee date or the delay in returning a phone call. So I suppose that there is no reason to feel guilty for not being able to spend as much time as I used to on my friendships, as long as I remember to make what time I do have count, and to remember that one day our lives won't be quite so busy.