ex-cess-An extreme or excessive amount or degree. Immoderate indulgence; intemperance in eating. drinking, etc.

bag-gage-Things that encumber one's freedom, progress, development,
or adaptability.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Self Sabbotage.....At least Im good at something.

I know what my body needs: healthy foods eaten in moderation, exercise, brain stimulation, laughter, and a good solid night sleep. However, what I need and what I do are two totally different things.

As I sit here, not cleaning but instead blogging, I feel angry at myself, disappointed and fat. I have recently gotten back into running,I have only been doing so for about a week but last night I talked myself out of going. Why didn't I run yesterday, it would be done and I would feel good about myself. I know that once I get out there its not so bad and it will be over before I know it, so why is it that I am constantly looking for reasons, better known as excuses, for not going. Oh I know, I get up at least twice during the night, then up at 7:oo am for the day, dealing with a teething baby who manages to make a huge mess even though he doesn't move, all the while running a household, and finally getting the chance to go out and run once the baby is down for the night (8:00pm). Yeah I think I'd rather eat ice cream on the couch, oh wait that's what I did!

So I should have gone for a run last night but didn't. I rationalized not going by deciding I would go for one with the baby and the dog in the morning before the first nap. When I woke up this morning I actually smiled because it was raining, I now had a legitimate reason for not going!! However, by the time breakfast was out of the way and cleaned up the rain had stopped and as I stood in front of the window in my to large t-shirt, with boogers on it that aren't mine (really they're not) and my fuzzy Christmas inspired PJ pants, smelling the coffee that as always was taking forever, I once again found reasons for not strapping in the baby and lacing up my shoes!

Not only is my own mum coming for a impromptu visit my mother-in-law is also dropping by. So I of course have cleaning to do, beds to make, and children to make presentable. As if this was not reason enough to talk my self out of the run I then doubly justified it by deciding the baby was better off just going to bed now, to be up and ready for company, then going later if at all, because what if he fell asleep on the run and woke up when we got home and I wasn't able to put him back down......Damn I'm good! Anyone need any excuses......

Mmmmm I feel like I'm 12 again, and trying to be like all of my friends and keep a diary. I was so awful at it that I always had to back date it and make stuff up because I could never remember what actually happened. However, I could justify to myself why my ultra busy 12 year old schedule kept me from writing on a daily, weekly, or even monthly basis. Even at 12 I was good at making excuses, no wonder I am so incredibly fabulous at it now!

I will go running tonight, I promise.......

1 comment:

  1. So how was your run tonight??? Did you go??
    It is so easy to make excuses and try not to beat yourself up about it. It's hard trying to find time for everything. But you can do it. There are just days when it just doesn't work out. That's life!
    You are fabulous and I think it's amazing that you're running in the first place - good for you!!!