ex-cess-An extreme or excessive amount or degree. Immoderate indulgence; intemperance in eating. drinking, etc.

bag-gage-Things that encumber one's freedom, progress, development,
or adaptability.

Monday, January 18, 2010

This morning was it, the day of all days, the day of the diet....duhn duhn duhnnnnnn!! I went to bed thinking positive nutritious thoughts, and visions of apples and quinoa danced in my head. My morning started much the same way as every other day, up early, once again due to a son who feels the need to grow and therefore eat. It was rainy and gray, and very very windy; a great day to curl up with a cup of cocoa and have something filling and warm for breakfast, mmmmm like pancakes. However, I remembered I had officially started my diet and I then realised that I probably won't have time to make pancakes for like 2 years, I instead turned to my faithful cereal cupboard.

My cereal cupboard and I have become somewhat acquainted over the last few months. Never having been much of a breakfast person I rarely ate the stuff, but then something happened. I seemed to be spending endless hours awake, at strange times of the morning and night, and I was always starving; enter cereal. I love this stuff, so many kinds in so many different shapes and colours; if I was feeling a little sad my three friends Snap, Crackle and Pop would liven me up, if I was angry I'd pour a little Capt'n'Crunch in my bowl because how could you not laugh at a grown man in a captains hat. Alphabets always made me feel smart and Special K always made feel healthy. However, as I opened up my personal cupboard of feelings (wow, the relation between food and feelings is clearly apparent right at this moment) and I grabbed out my Fruit Loops, I began to realize just how gray and dreary my day was really going to be. No more Fruit Loops!! How could I, not only live without the ability to eat quickly, but live with out the sugar fix that on most days has kept me functional.

After staring longingly at Tucan Sams candy coloured box for what seemed like an eternity, I managed to come to terms with the fact that the numbers behind the word CALORIES was not a misprint. As I stood there looking at the obscenely large caloric number and at the ridiculously small portion amount I realised, that 10 minutes after officially starting my diet, I was already justifying to myself why I deserved to devour Tucan Sam's loopy goodness. After all, there is fruit in there, it says so on the box, so how bad could it really be. Yet, as it had only been officially 10 minutes since I started my diet I still managed to find a small amount of self-control, and was able to put the box down and step away from the cupboard. I can only imagine what might have happened had there been golden grahams in there instead of Fruit Loops, a diet catastrophe, that's what! So, as I sat down to my soft boiled egg, fibre enriched whole wheat bread and coffee with skim milk and stared out at the gloomy morning, all I could think about was climbing back into my still warm bed with my box of Fruit Loops and full fat milk in hand. I had then officially been dieting for 23 minutes. How was your morning?

23 minutes, they seemed like an eternity, and only 250000 minutes left, give or take a few, no problem. Well faithful followers, and of course my dear blog creepers (I know you guys are out there) this is where my sarcasm is beginning to show through, because by no problem I really mean, HELP ME ALL I WANT TO DO IS EAT!!!!!! Through out the day I of course came across many similar incidents, and it was when I was looking through the pantry for a healthy snack all the while holding onto a bag of cookies, merely for comfort, that I then realised that The Pants needed to play a much more significant role. I could not simply leave The Pants on top of my dresser, and assume that in 7 months I could pull them out and we would essentially become one, we were in fact going to have to get to know one another again and go through this laborious process of dieting together. In essence The Pants needed to become my conscience, my guide, as one Mr. Jimminy cricket would say, a constant reminder of our overall goal. So, The Pants have now joined me in the kitchen, the room of no morals as I like to call it, and here they will stay.

Well here are the basic facts, I need to lose 40 pounds, maybe a little less to fit The Jeans which are a size 12. Perhaps I'll eventually reveal my starting weight and thus where I plan for it to be in July, but for now it's between me and my scale.....

-The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.

Jean Giraudoux

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