Now that we have that straight, on to more pressing matters...FOOD! So I seem to have a minor problem in that I'm addicted to food. Drug users can go cold turkey to abstain from using their drug of choice, but how is it that I'm supposed to go cold turkey from eating.....MMmmmmm turkey, I can't even write a sentence without that cold clammy feeling taking over my body, little beads of sweat gather on my brow as my eyes dart from the pantry room cupboards to the deep freeze, do you hear that....I think there's a toaster oven ticking near by. HELP ME!!!!!! Instead of methadone, I'm given celery and carrot sticks with low fat dip, all the while watching my husband eat rainbow chips ahoy cookies dunked in strawberry quick. I should mention that strawberry quick is not something that usually temps me, but after (only) 3 days of dieting I'm ready to reach over the kitchen table, b%@&* slap my so-called support person, then take his milk and chug it back like I was at a kegger! Just like drugs, look what food and lack-there-of has reduced me to, soon I'll be licking the table after we eat just hoping to find some gravy, or even worse, showing up at a playground near you looking for a freebie or two, the words "just one more snack pack, that's all I need, and then I'll be done," falling from my mouth. So how is that I deal with this dilemma of being an addict but still having to see, smell, and taste my "drug" of choice......ask me in 7 months, and only if I fit into The Jeans.
After throwing my bag of Fruit Loops into the garbage on Monday, I then later went back and opened the bag up and poured just the Fruit Loops into the garbage. Ohhhhh faithful readers, your probably thinking what a good girl I was by remembering to recycle the plastic bag, however, I actually needed those sweet loops of goodness to mingle with the mornings coffee grounds and yesterdays leftovers so that they were no longer able to tempt me with their fruity goodness. And yes, I may have ate a few before contaminating them, what a waste......It then became obvious to me that I was in need of some healthy groceries to aid in my healthy living quest. WELLLLLLLLLLLL............how is it that I'm expected to eat healthy and still make my mortgage payments???
Apparently, I am expected to give up my first born child in order to be able to pay for all this healthy food. You would think that with the increase in portions in Canada's food guide there would be an outcry from the masses as to the prices that one must pay for a bunch of radishes and head of lettuce. Yet, all I hear about in the news is "oh no, HST tax on take-out food!!" What about the tomatoes, who is going to fight for the tomatoes??!! Not the masses, they're obviously eating take-out food, it would just be me, and only because if I sat at the kitchen table opening up my styrofoam container, there they would be, The Jeans, their size 12 stitching looming at me from across the table, probably wishing they were a medium sized shirt with arms so that they could b&*$@ slap me. I think perhaps my withdrawal from sugar is not only making me a little bitter but also gives me the tendency to jump from subject to subject, are you still with me?
Needless to say, I bought the damn radishes and the head of lettuce, all the while digging my fingernails into the palm of my hand as the final total was brought to my attention. I said thank you, and asked the cashier how she felt about tomatoes.........
-There is no love sincerer than the love of food
George Bernard Shaw